Archive for the ‘ Me, Myself and I ’ Category

Ambition

My ambition in life is to become a successful writer/filmmaker. I won’t get into the facts about the other millions and millions of dreamers like myself, that would be a waste of words. What I wanted to say was that I directed a short film recently and I submitted it to several film festivals. I was excited when the first two festivals that got back to me both accepted my film so I was 2 for 2. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I was overwhelmed with joy. 2 for 2 ain’t a bad start I thought. Naturally I got ahead of myself and thought that I must have done a good job with the movie. Since then, 21 other film festivals have touched base with me with their decisions. And all 21 have rejected the film with what seems to be the same exact kind of letter. So I was for 2 for 2 to begin with, and now I’m 2 for 23. What can you do? I keep saying to myself. At this point I cannot change the film I directed so there is nothing left to be done. It’s disappointing and upsetting. A big part of life is disappointment and learning to deal with it.

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Self consciousness

Sorry to make this sound as if I’m a 16 year old girl in high school. But don’t you ever feel like you’re a bit self conscious sometimes. I do. All the time! I find myself always looking at myself in the mirror. I find myself checking my hair out, my face out. I dont know. I feel I look too young. I have a little goatee but is it enough to make me look my real age? I went to buy cigarettes the other day and the indian lady wearing a punjabi behind the counter asked me for id. ok i understand if its for beer, i look 21, but she thinks that i might be under 18? I might be 16 or 17? C’mon I aint a kid anymore. Not in several years. Anyway i always look at my hair, i always think my hair is awful and everyone is laughing at me inside when they speak to me.