Archive for March, 2011

High school

Power to the black woman who was in high school and pregnant. She still came to class even though she knew everyone would look at her and ask her questions and be assholes to her. Pretend like nothing was different. Everything was! She was 16! She was African American. She was a female. Her stupid boyfriend forgot to put a condom on. Her mother hates her. Her father beats her. The boyfriend is out with his friends drinking. Her little sister gets the wrong impression and one day get pregnant too. But this girl, she knows, she knows, she has to go to class. She has to go. There is no other school. No special place for girls like her to go to. Its public school or nothing. One day she didn’t come to class and someone told the teacher she gave birth to the baby. I wonder where she is now.



Sometimes we want something different, something someone else has. And sometimes, the person who has what we want, wants what we have.

Good will hunting

There’s a scene in the film Good Will Hunting which I particularly enjoy. The scene that concerns me at the moment is the one near the end when the teacher, played by Stellan Skarsgard is meeting with Will played by Matt Damon in his office and he says something that upsets Will and Will takes the papers filled with some brilliant mathematical algorithms he concocted and lights it on fire, because its meaningless to him. The teacher quickly rushes over and puts it out, because its so valuable to him. The intelligence written on these papers is unmatched and superb. Will says something like “Do you know how easy this is for me? This is a joke to me! I’m sorry you can’t do it, I really am.” and the teacher later replies that he “knows how easy it is for (Will).”

Anyway I think of that moment because here you have two kinds of people. One – a genius who is careless about his talents and has no shame in throwing it away. The second – a respected teacher who strives for achievement but whose intelligence does not closely match that of his most talented protege. It’s just a great overall scene, because its so common in life. It’s a brilliant film.


Constantly succeeding is like beating a man to death. The first few punches you land, the other guy still gets up. Still gives you trouble. Still makes things difficult for you. you still have hurdles to cross. But then… you do it. You hit him, and hit him, until he becomes weak and brittle and starts whimpering. And then he dies. And he’s gone. And he’s not coming back. It doesn’t matter if you stop punching. He’s gone forever. And that’s what its like. You strive to succeed, and you keep trying and keep trying, and then finally you do it. You succeed. And you succeed again and again, until, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done. The towel is wet. It’s really wet. And it’s not going to get any wetter.


In this world you have teachers and you have students. the teachers
were once students and tried to become someone great but failed. they
still know technique. they know what it takes. so they become
teachers. i am afraid of becoming a teacher. because being a teacher
means that you failed


SOME PEOPLE just dont have the guts to stand up. Some people dont have it in them because they’re scared, and don’t want to cause attention. It’s the way they were raised.


My ambition in life is to become a successful writer/filmmaker. I won’t get into the facts about the other millions and millions of dreamers like myself, that would be a waste of words. What I wanted to say was that I directed a short film recently and I submitted it to several film festivals. I was excited when the first two festivals that got back to me both accepted my film so I was 2 for 2. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I was overwhelmed with joy. 2 for 2 ain’t a bad start I thought. Naturally I got ahead of myself and thought that I must have done a good job with the movie. Since then, 21 other film festivals have touched base with me with their decisions. And all 21 have rejected the film with what seems to be the same exact kind of letter. So I was for 2 for 2 to begin with, and now I’m 2 for 23. What can you do? I keep saying to myself. At this point I cannot change the film I directed so there is nothing left to be done. It’s disappointing and upsetting. A big part of life is disappointment and learning to deal with it.